Day #2 – Make Time to Talk
Easy right?? That’s what I thought sitting with my handsome fiance in the office of the stake president who was giving us advice to follow for the rest of our married lives. He described the different levels of communication:
- how’s the weather?
- plans
- feelings
- needs
He suggested that we get to levels 3 & 4 of communicating everyday and spend at least 1/2 hour there. ‘A half hour?’ I thought, ‘Of COURSE!!’ And, of course, as I mentioned yesterday, within just a couple years real life set in. For us 3 kids and Mike taking an over full load of school classes and tests to be prepared for medschool- never mind church and extended family and community commitments, well THE CHALLENGE was ON!!
And I must admit there have been days, even weeks during residency, where our ‘talk’ was an email, or simply a coded page! (now texting would work well I presume – doesn’t life just get better all the time!). But of course keeping our eye on the goal and striving toward it, working hard to have meaningful, heart-sharing conversations whenever we could has helped and blessed and strengthened our marriage immensely.
Here are some ‘tricks to the trade’ I have learned in finding time and taking time and making time to TALK!!
-Men are very different than women, don’t expect him to be you when he communicates but Listen and accept him for who he is!! (As Tracie referred in her comment on Day#1: see Mark Gundor’s ‘women’s brains/men’s brains’ clip – it is HILARIOUS!)
-Sometimes that 1/2 hour on a deeper level has to come in tidbits throughout the day! Take gratefully what you get!
-Sitting with your husband when he comes home from work, going to bed at the same time, these afford great opportunities to talk!
-find ‘your spot’ to talk. My husband and I have always loved to sneak out on the deck for a minute of meaningful conversation or ‘take a walk to the mailbox’ together!
-make sure a once-a-week (if it’s possible) date is happening! It REALLY HELPS open up the lines of communication to have an hour or two where you can just look into each other’s eyes and LISTEN!!!
-be more eager to LISTEN than you are to tell all! I have found the best way to open a conversation is JUST LISTEN!!!
-ABSOLUTELY NO CRITICISM!! Nothing will shut down the sharing of the heart quicker than criticism. (side note- especially with teens I’ve found.)
-Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes! Using your imagination makes you such a better conversationalist!!
Well, I’ve got to run, but Celebrate today by really finding time to talk, to LISTEN, to CONNECT with your spouse!
It’s SOO FUN!!!
Celebrate ‘talk time’ today!!!
Love, C
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