20 Days to Strengthen and Celebrate Your Marriage (& Family)!!

Good Morning!! It is an exquisitely beautiful one here!!

I woke up to a kiss from my Love and the sun streaming through the trees into our home!! The best part is that he said: “Happy 20th!” with the biggest smile ever! No, I am not 20, much older and happier than that- WE are 20!!! Shocking, but true. 😉

Our wedding day still seems so fresh to me!  Even first meeting Mike and counting him as one of the greatest miracles of my life does not feel 20 years old!

Looking at us, looking around at our life, makes it more obvious that 20 years have happened. I mean 10 kids – I guess it better have been that long right?

ANYWAY! My heart is FULL to the BRIM with THANKS!!!!! I want to CELEBRATE 20 years of marriage!

 I hope you will come CELEBRATE & STRENGTHEN YOUR MARRIAGE with us!!!

Follow each of the daily challenges I have laid out here, things that have helped us and we keep coming back to to bless our marriage, some new things we would like to add – or make a 20 day challenge of your own (or a 14 day, or a 7 day, etc…).  Please share with us!! You can link your own blogposts of  marriage/family celebrations to share with us!!

Thx and Love – more LOVE than EVER in 20 days!!!

Mike, CaMarie and Crew

 

Day #1 –  NO ANGER.  My husband’s mother wisely gave him a talk tape on marriage to listen to just before we were wed.  It changed our future.  Mike was deeply impressed with the words of this inspired speaker.  “As you enter the marriage covenant, [you should never speak] a cross word—not one. It is neither necessary nor desirable. There are many who teach that it is normal and expected for domestic difficulty and bickering and strife to be a part of that marriage relationship. … I know that it is possible to live together in love with never the first cross word ever passing between you” (Boyd K. Packer, Eternal Marriage, Brigham Young University Speeches of the Year [14 Apr. 1970], 6). A soft, understanding answer calms us; angry words only cause more conflict (see Proverbs 15:1).

That became Mike’s promise, that became our goal.  Mike’s kept it.

And I’ve TRIED!!! My best! For the person that has wanted some more ‘real’ videos from us ;), my brother keeps trying to catch what he dibs my ‘mini-meltdowns’ on video! 🙂 There are no doubt, many stressful, demanding, trying moments, even days and weeks at times, in a family with ten busy, growing children, and a busy surgeon and church leader father/husband.

I’ve tried to keep the saying a friend gave us as a gift when we had our twins born 20 months after our son. We hadn’t even been married 3 years and we had our 3 babies now as my husband prepared for medschool.  These words helped me a lot: “Be like a duck, calm on the surface, paddling like mad underneath.”

Sadly I still get a bit stressed-out at times and get a bit aggravated and pushy with my children when the demands are building, I even get somewhat snappy when I’m super tired and physically run down.  Boohoo.  I suppose it is natural, but I keep coming back to my goal of  ‘NO CROSS WORD, NOT ONE.”  I think about it, I work toward it because I believe it is the best way for a marriage and family to thrive!!

I know anger is a natural response to hurt or fear but there are more constructive ways to deal with things than getting angry! Being honest with your feelings is one of them “I feel hurt because you were late for family home evening on our anniversary” (I sure hope that doesn’t happen for our Anniversary tonight!) lol! Or ‘I felt scared because you came home extra late, didn’t call, & something could have happened to you!”

Walking, hiking, jogging, singing, laughing, etc…. Are all great ways to relieve stress instead of ANGER! They bless and build you instead of busting  your marriage up. Be creative. Keep at the goal!

The hardest time I had in my life dealing with angry feelings was when I suffered severely after our 6th baby with PPD! It was just one of the many symptoms of the illness: migraines a few times a week, aching from head to toe, unable to sleep, too busy to eat, a great overwhelming ‘I can’t’ feeling and more, but the worst, or what could have been most damaging was the great anger I felt toward my husband! (With PPD this is a terrible symptom, anger directed at your husband or baby).  My innocent, hard-working, wonderful husband who I KNEW was  in my mind was supportive, loving, and awesome had somehow become a target for my angry feelings within.  It was REALLY hard to stop myself from feeling SUPER MAD at him inside!!! I wondered what was wrong, why I was suffering so, and feeling so completely short-wired, “what had happened to our great marriage?” I sometimes wondered as I seethed inside in the middle of the night!  A sensitive, wise friend knew what was up way before I did. She brought answers, understanding and help. A counselor who dealt with this sort of thing all the time. She was wonderful, didn’t minimize my pain in the least but gave me assignments and ways to work through it. But when it came to counseling me on anger it confused and made matters worse for me. The ‘norm’ in the ‘therapy’ world is acknowledge feelings, yes, confess and forsake is good I agree, but delving into why and reasons and giving it a lot of time and attention and such I feel only grows the problem. I learned how to deal with my situation from a quote from The Friend magazine I read one morning with my 3 year old daughter. The quote said ‘stop it’. That was it! Just STOP. Stop anger.

 

There is a similar article to the one that inspired me 9 years ago in the June 2013 Friend by President Uchtdorf.

It changed my life then, it can change each of our lives and let us move into more blessed, happier, rewarding marriages (&families)!!

Celebrate, Nurture and Strengthen your marriage today. Stop anger!

Have a wonderful day celebrating marriage!

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Tag, you’re it! 😉 I would love to invite YOU to participate in this 20 day challenge! Comment below with a link to your 20 days of working toward a happier, more rewarding and enriching marriage!

• Emily
• Jocelyn
• Connie
• YOU!